Doubting Myself

I've had a problem with doubting my abilities in the past few weeks. Now, I already can hear what some of my friends are saying about that first sentence. "What do you mean, I've seen you do this or that a million times." And I guess I should clarify what I'm talking about. I have no issues with my technical skills. I can work on the computer just fine and can run a sound system just as before.

This may be a pre-I-can't-believe-I'm-about-to-go-into-the-real-world kind of thing that everyone goes through. But until recently, I've been sitting at my desk or in a meeting at work thinking "what in the world have I gotten myself into?" There is no way that I can lead part of a hospital, let alone the whole thing. My boss/mentor likes case studies. When something is going on in the hospital, she likes to run down the situation for me and then she asks what I would do. I'd say nine time out of ten I offer back a blank stare and say something to the effect of "I have no earthly idea." Not necessarily an answer that exudes confidence if you ask me.

However, the last two weeks have helped me get over these fears somewhat. I worked on two projects that were semi-important. And it wasn't just that I understood what I was doing, it was the finished product that meant something. In the first project I was analyzing some numbers and realized that we were all looking at the numbers incorrectly, and I actually found a new way to get the data so that it was useful. I chalked that up to my vast statistic experience in college. This week, I was undertaking a massive project that involved every department in the hospital. While the graphs I made and the notes I jotted down for my boss' meeting looked very nice, it was an evening conversation with one of our managers where I taught her what the project meant and how she could use my analysis. And then this morning, one of our VPs came into my office and thanked me for the work and noted that it was extremely helpful in the meeting and she was going to post the results up on each of the units.

It was a good moment and something that I needed. I don't post this to boost my ego as I know that I have much to learn still. (I'm perfectly fine with - in fact would rather if the public postings of this analysis doesn't have my name on it. It's a team effort and I just contribute) I post this because it's easy for us all to get lost in the mundane work and forget that what we do CAN make a difference. It doesn't have to be at work per se, but when we apply ourselves and do our very best - we see results. I have no doubt that I will forget this moment 2 months from now when I'm struggling with these same feelings. However, I hope that I can look around and see that I'm doing exactly as I ought and that I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

And we have a bonus thought as well. Don't forget to thank people for what they do or to let someone know how much you appreciated something they did. Maybe it's exactly what they needed.