When good days turn bad

So I woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning thanks to my restful weekend (ok, so maybe not too bright eyed - and pretty much everyone who knows me is aware that I lack a rear end, so I guess the bushy-tailed bit is out too - you get my point though). I woke up and was ready for the day - unfortunately the day let me down.

I left work at 1pm to make a quick run to Staples for some supplies I needed for a project I was working on. I thought this was going to be a quick 30 minute trip, but it turned into a day-long ordeal.

Anyone who knows me very long - especially if you know me from my Virginia Tech days - is aware of my car - a 1997 Dodge Neon that was affectionally dubbed "Love Wheels." Not only would you be aware of Love Wheels - but you'd be quite familiar with the odd problems she causes. Anyway, long story short - she broke down on me again while I was at Staples. A co-worker had to leave work to come "rescue" me and then my sister came and got me after work and we were able to jump start the car so I could drive it to my parents. Well, turns out that tonight is the one night in 5 years that I remember my dad having to work really late because of a deadline. So, while I was pretty sure I had fixed the problem (cleaned the battery terminals, put the battery on the charger, etc), I wanted to get the OK from Dad before going home. Well anyway, Dad finally got home and gave me his blessing to take the car again.

Oh well, such is life with an older car. Hopefully, I'll be getting something newer relatively soon. I've been saving up for some time now and am ready to spend! It's a little scary comitting myself to that much money, but you gotta go out on those limbs once in a while.

Restful Weekend

How many times on a Monday are you asked "How was your weekend?" I'd bet it's close to 10 - maybe more. I rarely have a good answer to this question. I usually respond with something like "not bad" or "eh, I didn't really do much." It's not that I'm discontented with my weekend - but I wasn't overly excited about it either.

A few weeks ago I talked about getting more rest. Well, rest was what my weekend was all about - and it was glorious. I barely did anything productive, but I took some time for myself to get away and to relax. I wasn't checking my e-mail constantly and I wasn't furiously doing school work (thankfully there isn't any homework yet). It was great. I do forget how much I need to rest. As I'm typing this, I'm thinking about getting in bed in just a few minutes and waking up in the morning. I don't dread Monday mornings when I take the time to really relax over the weekend. Yes, I'm ready for this week - let it come.

Movie Night

It's been a long week. I've started my final "academic" semester this week and it's been pretty crazy at work as well. I've had a tough time going back to the classroom for a couple of reasons. First, I find it difficult to sit and focus on one topic for 3-4 horus. Second, I've gotten so engrained into the hospital that I work at, that my mind is always on what's going on at work instead of focusing on the lecture I'm sitting in. I think my boss has caught on to this - she asked me something about it today. Anyway - this post isn't about my conflict between academic and professional. This all was to just talk about me having a long week.

So tonight I decided to just veg and make it a movie night. I got a lot of movies for Christmas that I haven't watched yet. My two selections tonight, Garden State and Orange County, in that order. I hadn't seen Garden State before and had seen Orange County a number of times. I expected Garden State to be funny (I was expected a character like JD from Scrubs) but was pleasantly surprised to see something a little deeper. I enjoyed the movie - it moved a little slow, but there were a number of great moments that really stayed in my mind. Orange County is a perenial favorite of mine. Ever since I first saw it with one of my best friends a number of years ago, I thought it was very clever and very funny. Colin Hanks reminds me a lot of Will in his mannerisms and the movie just has a ton of great quotes:

"Shaun, the house is a mess and Bob is bleeding"

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"Now, when I say Romeo and Juliet, who comes to mind? Dana?"

"Claire Danes"

"That's right. Claire Danes. Who else?"

"Leonardo DiCaprio"

"Right. Who else? Someone else was involved in that movie who in some ways is as famous as Leonardo DiCaprio. And his name's William Shakespeare. And some great movies are based on his plays. "Hamlet", "West Side Story", "The Talented Mr Ripley", "Waterworld"... ..."Gladiator", "Chocolat".

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"Do you want me to call Public Safety?"

"Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution? I'll take that as a maybe"

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"That lady, Mona, said that you two were in the building when the fire started."

"Yeah. She's a liar 'cause I don't know her, so whatever she says is a lie, so..."

"So you weren't in the building with her?"

"No, not I. All right. She started it. Because she was like, "I hate my job, I'm going to burn this mother down." And I said, "You better not. You better not."

Anyway, the movies were both enjoyable, but I found a common theme. Both movies had main characters that underwent a transformation that showed that what they were really looking for was right in front of them the entire time. In Garden State, Andrew comes home, meets Sam, but still spends the whole 4 days wondering what his life is going to be like once he leaves New Jersey and heads back to LA. We see him "let go" down by the quarry, but this isn't when he gets it. It isn't until he gets on the plane, crowded back into the fast-paced lifestyle that has taken him from place to place on a whim that he realizes that what really makes him happy is being with Sam. Sitting and talking and just enjoying her company.

Similarly, Shaun is dead set on going to Stanford. He thinks that the only way for him to realize his dream of a writer is to get out of Orange County. His journey to get in shines the light on his situation - eventhough his family is dysfunctional, his friends, stoners, and his girlfriend a ecoactivist; he finds that they are exactly what he needs AND wants.

I know these movies aren't revolutionary and the theme has been done many times before. The message though is so relevant. We spend so much time - I spend so much time pondering about what else I need to do to succeed, or to be happy. I think that most often, if we stop and look around, we'll see that what's right in front of us is exactly what's right for us. We are who we are because of the influences around us. Our families, our friends, our coworkers - our God - are our inspiration.

So take a look around you. What can you appreciate about the person sitting in the next room? How does your sibling make you a better person? What is it about that one guy at the coffee shop that tries to remember your regular drink, but always gets it wrong, that adds a little humor to your life?

Doubting Myself

I've had a problem with doubting my abilities in the past few weeks. Now, I already can hear what some of my friends are saying about that first sentence. "What do you mean, I've seen you do this or that a million times." And I guess I should clarify what I'm talking about. I have no issues with my technical skills. I can work on the computer just fine and can run a sound system just as before.

This may be a pre-I-can't-believe-I'm-about-to-go-into-the-real-world kind of thing that everyone goes through. But until recently, I've been sitting at my desk or in a meeting at work thinking "what in the world have I gotten myself into?" There is no way that I can lead part of a hospital, let alone the whole thing. My boss/mentor likes case studies. When something is going on in the hospital, she likes to run down the situation for me and then she asks what I would do. I'd say nine time out of ten I offer back a blank stare and say something to the effect of "I have no earthly idea." Not necessarily an answer that exudes confidence if you ask me.

However, the last two weeks have helped me get over these fears somewhat. I worked on two projects that were semi-important. And it wasn't just that I understood what I was doing, it was the finished product that meant something. In the first project I was analyzing some numbers and realized that we were all looking at the numbers incorrectly, and I actually found a new way to get the data so that it was useful. I chalked that up to my vast statistic experience in college. This week, I was undertaking a massive project that involved every department in the hospital. While the graphs I made and the notes I jotted down for my boss' meeting looked very nice, it was an evening conversation with one of our managers where I taught her what the project meant and how she could use my analysis. And then this morning, one of our VPs came into my office and thanked me for the work and noted that it was extremely helpful in the meeting and she was going to post the results up on each of the units.

It was a good moment and something that I needed. I don't post this to boost my ego as I know that I have much to learn still. (I'm perfectly fine with - in fact would rather if the public postings of this analysis doesn't have my name on it. It's a team effort and I just contribute) I post this because it's easy for us all to get lost in the mundane work and forget that what we do CAN make a difference. It doesn't have to be at work per se, but when we apply ourselves and do our very best - we see results. I have no doubt that I will forget this moment 2 months from now when I'm struggling with these same feelings. However, I hope that I can look around and see that I'm doing exactly as I ought and that I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

And we have a bonus thought as well. Don't forget to thank people for what they do or to let someone know how much you appreciated something they did. Maybe it's exactly what they needed.

Happy New Year Richmond

New Year's Day is all about new beginnings to most people. It's a time when we all can take a step back, reflect on the past 12 months and then decide what we want the next 12 to be about. More often than not (like my previous posts) these new beginnings center around getting rid of bad habits or starting good ones. These are great, I agree - but why can't it be something more? Why won't we stand up and say - "This is the year that I start living for something" or "Right here, right now - my life is not just about me, it's about helping people, it's about living my life to God's pleasing and never looking back?"

I love a transformation story. We hear a lot of them around the holidays and you hear THE transformation story around Easter. But in between, there are very few of these stories. For Richmond to become the city I dream it can be, we need many, many more transformation stories. Today, I was able to walk around the city taking some picture with some good friends of mine. It was great because I got to see the city in a very quiet and peaceful state. Most of the businesses were closed because of the holiday so there were very few people out. As we were walking around and I was looking through my viewfinder, I could sense excitement. It's like the buildings and the streets are ready for change.

It's coming - Richmond is on the verge. It's going to take effort for all of us - yes, politicians included. But as we see our own transformations over the next few years, I do believe we will be amazed by the transformation of our city as well. Happy New Year Richmond!